The Fifth Mosquito Battle Plan

Every morning our boys wake up with 5-8 new mosquito bites this time of year. It doesn't really bother them, but it bothers us. In a country where windows and door are not made to seal tight, it is difficult to prevent the blood eaters from getting in the house. We do have screens on the windows, but...

The first battle plan was little plastic circles which adhere to furniture and are soaked in some anti-mossy repellent. Didn't work. Then we put mossy repellent/lotion on the kids (both standard stuff as well as lavender extract spray). Must have worn off part-way thru the night because it didn't work. Third, we tried a plug-in thingy that burns some liquid that kills the mossys in the room. We tried blocking gaps around the door with foam in combo with an electric racquet (powered by rechargeable batteries) which we used to kill any invaders. Fourth, I spent an afternoon treating the curtains with permethrin -- a nasty chemical which kills any insect which touches the treated fabric. The mossys often hide in the curtains, but they seem to still be in the room and just hiding elsewhere now.

Now I'm planning a fifth strategy: use all five methods at once. Sigh.

By the way, Asha is generally okay because there is a net around her cot. A few still get in occasionally. The good news is that there are only a few months of the year with a lot of mosquitoes. But for this season the motto is: Give Blood. Live in India.

India's unique cities

We just returned from a four day visit to Calcutta (or, officially, Kolkata). We stayed with Indian friends that Libby met 10 years ago while working with street kids and recovering drug addicts. We met kids that have grown up, married, and have jobs at multi-national companies. And others who are still struggling to get by with three good meals a day.

It was refreshing. And exhausting. Although the flight is only two hours, traveling thru pushing/shoving crowds and multiple security checks with three small kids and pregnant wife...

But mostly, we enjoyed seeing the differences in Calcutta. The streets are narrow (a remnant of British planning, I'm told). There seems to be more of a bustle in the air. Cars are a bit older. And there are many other small differneces which catch your attention and excercise your senses.

I'll never forget the green, lazy, grand feeling of Chennai. The wild-west, dusty feel of Ahmedabad. The sophisticated but grid-locked feel of Bangalore (now renamed Bengaluru). The appearance of power, influence, and Western development in Delhi. And the humid chaos that is Mumbai.

India's diversity is amazing, but in the middle of all that it is the people that matter. Our boys can't stop talking about their new "didis" (sisters) who played with them in Calcutta for hours on a lovely patch of grass between high rise apartments. We're grateful for renewing old friendships and the gifts of hospitality that we can never repay.

It can't be Christmas

Sunny days. Cool temperatures in mid 60s F. Few Christmas decorations in stores.

In many ways, life in India is nice this time of year. But, on the other hand, we have to find the inner energy to make Christmas memories and the discipline to order online gifts for family and friends back in the USA.

I think we've delayed buying gifts a little too long this year and some packages may not arrive until after Christmas since I'm unwilling to pay exorbindant "rush" postage fees. The season just snuck up on us.

But Libby has been great in making some memories. We're reading "The Advent Book" given to us by wonderful relatives last year; a door a day for the kids to open and learn about Jesus. Yesterday, Libby and the boys make great cookies. And a few days ago we finally put up the (plastic) Christmas tree, nativity scene, and a few random decorations around the house.

Simple but nice. That will be our Christmas.

65 degrees...and freezing

Yep, it has finally become winter in India. With a little rain and cloudy skies today, the temperature finally dipped below 70F. And without ANY heating in any room, it is -- hard to believe I know -- freezing inside our house.

Concrete construction means the cold seeps thru your bones. The day doesn't bring warmth. I can finally wear jeans and a t-shirt without sweating. I love it.

This will last about 6-8 weeks. Time to open up our storage boxes and find our socks. I'm actually wearing shoes (instead of sandals) to the office. It is great.

On the other, sobering hand...many homeless people across India will die in the next few weeks. The cold is just too much. Their poverty means no shelter or no firewood to burn. We have much to be thankful for.

Phrase of the day

Lots of silence on this blog. Usually, silence means lots of challenges in daily life. The last few months have been full of readjusting to life in India. However, we've enjoyed a lot of laughter as well. I'll try to do more short entries about fun, small happenings.

Shane's phrase of the day a few weeks ago was "I love Lightening The Queen" while referring to the star of the animated Cars movie "Lightening McQueen".

Then Lukas kept lumbering around the house while saying several times a day, "I'm big, I'm bad, and I want you!!" We think it is a phrase he heard in a children's video about the three pigs fairy tale, but who knows?

Oh, and Shane has thrown out "mommy" and "daddy" in favor of "mom" and "dad" in the last few days. Fun!

Camp Morrow song

Shane especially enjoyed Camp Morrow (an annual gathering of friends who grew up with me in Hood River; we rent a camp in eastern Oregon over Labor Day). It was his 3rd time to attend in 4 years, something that we never thought possible given life in India. This time he slept on a bunk bed for the first time in his life and played some great mini-golf. He also won a "snickers" award for composing a song about Camp Morrow. This song came out of the blue soon after he was given a toy guitar in July. Enjoy!

Favorite USA foods

Living overseas you learn to enjoy the local foods. And I do really love several Indian dishes! But being back in the USA, I've realized there are many great dishes and foods that I'd forgotten. Shane is in love with pancakes and popsicles. Of course, Lukas still eats anything and Asha just started solids last week.

As for me, here is a partial list of foods that I'll miss when we return to India in about a month:

• tortilla chips (Juanita's!), sour cream, and salsa (Penny's)
• brownies
• peanut butter filled pretzels
• yogurt covered pretzels and chocolate covered pretzels
• bagels and English muffins for breakfast
• baklava
• cake batter ice cream (and all the other crazy flavors from Tillamook)
• root beer
• carrot cake
• pumpkin pie
• meat loaf (with beef, of course)
• lasagna

Of course, it is possible to buy or make some of these foods overseas, but they sure are more common and easier to make/find here. The next few weeks will be full of eating for me!

Firsts: Fun times, great memories

I need to add some pictures or videos, but here are some great things that have happened despite Libby's tuburculosis and our forced return to the USA:

• Shane and Lukas experiencing their first small-town July 4th parade. They loved the horses, anything with sirens, and lots of crazy bicycles.
• Shane touching snow for the first time with a smile and saying, "It makes a sound!" (when you walk on it). Lukas touching snow for the first time with a frown, then a cry, but then trying to eat it.
• Several trips to the Portland Children's Museum and, separately, the Zoo. I could virtually see the boys brains getting activated!
• Some quality time at the Oregon coast. They loved the sand. And running in the wide open space. Fun to watch.

Also, for the record, Lukas has entered a stage where his favorite phrase when he wants us to join him in some part of the house is, "Come on guys. It's fun!" And Asha is squirming all around the room; feels like it won't be long until she'll be crawling. And Shane is playing his toy guitar while making up lyrics/songs, and he continues to be fully alert and ready to go at 6am. Yikes.

Stuff I don't want to forget

The last seven weeks in the USA have flown by. Lots of doctor appointments for Libby and mainly just catching up on sleep and energy lost since Libby's leg became infected in late February.

In the midst of this, about four weeks ago, Asha started rolling over. Now she regularly wakes up on her tummy, or rolls over while playing in the living room. She continues to be a happy camper who hardly ever complains. And she's started "talking" and is very responsive if you mimic the sounds back to her.

Lukas also hit a milestone. About two weeks ago he started walking down stairs while diligently holding the railing. He continues to talk -- a lot. On the way home from the beach on Sunday, he talked non-stop for the entire 1 hour 15 minute trip. Amazing...and funny!

Meanwhile, I noticed Shane hopping on one leg the other day. He's also improved in catching balls that he throws up in the air. Last, he's got a mind like a steel trap and continues to amaze me when he starts singing (or combining) songs that he's heard. Fun times!

Blogs I wish I'd written

A lot has happened over the last 6 weeks. Here's some things I wish I'd written about:

1. Singapore: Shopping Madness, My First Bubble Tea, and Lukas Experiences a Pet Store

2. 42 Hrs of Travel: The trip back to the USA and its similaries with The Amazing Race, but with Libby's use of wheelchairs in all four airports

3. The Medical Marvel: this was Libby's nickname for a while at the Oregon hospital; also many people wanted to know if her leg problem (which turned out to be TB) was from an episode of "House"

It has been exactly a month since we arrived in the USA on medical leave. I'm finally caught up on sleep and feel my energy returning after 3 months of madness in India. I'll write more soon!

Reading Insanity

I like to read. In fact, in a good way, I take pride in the fact that I read widely. I read a study once that said the average American (after finishing school) reads less than 2 books a year. But somehow I've gotten myself into a mess. Check it out.

On my bedside table:

• Parenting with Love and Logic
• India's Unending Journey, by Tully
• Bakht Singh of India
• Complications, by A. Gwande
• Nehru, by Tharoor
• And at least 5 past issues of Wired magazine, 3 issues of Outlook Traveller magazine

On my Kindle:

• The First 90 Days, by Watkins
• Leadership with Cultural Intelligence, by Livermore
• And a bunch of free PDF books, mostly by J. Piper

On my desk at work:

• In Spite of the Gods: The Strange Rise of Modern India, by Luce (re-readig this; best book on India I've read...ever)
• The Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners Think Differently and Why, by Nisbett
• Speaking of India: Bridging the Communication Gap when Working with Indians, by Storti
• Change Across Cultures, by Bradshaw
• Just Courage, by Haugen
• And five other "leadership" books which I want to skim

Yikes! Time to focus and try to finish a few before starting any more. But it does reveal the main themes of my life right now: parenting, cross-cultural , and leadership issues.

Party Hard

In India, there are a few popular ways to spend your free time: watch movies (on TV or in theater), go for a picnic to a park, or eat at a nice restaurant. Mostly due to limited finances as well as limited exposure, very few people know how to do fly fishing, sailing, rock climbing, or other pastimes from the West. So what did I do on my birthday?

In celebration of my 36 years, we had a simple but nice celebration which involved: a movie and eating good food. Looks like I've adapted to the culture.

Seriously, there were several simple, but wonderful things about the day:
1. I got to sleep in til 8:30am thanks to my wife and in-laws. With 3 kids, this is rare priviledge.
2. We had pancakes for breakfast.
3. My wife got me a subcription to one of my favorite magazines, Wired. I also received a generous amount of cash from some relatives. Maybe I'll use it for subscriptions to Outside or Outlook Traveller.
4. I had a nice, long conversation with my friend Sumeet, who recently moved away to North India.
5. Had take out food from my favorite Chinese restaurant in the city. And HOMEMADE chocolate b-day cake with REAL Philadelphia Cream Cheese frosting.
6. Watched "The Peacemaker" with Nicole Kidman and George Clooney, one of my favorite action movies of all time and probably the first DVD I ever purchased.

Simple, but nice. That's how I'll remember this b-day!

P.S. Thanks to the dozens of people who sent me b-day greetings via Libby's Facebook page.

Reciprocity

In any friendship, there must be give and take. A two-way street. This is especially true in cross-cultural relationships that are genuine. It is also more difficult to develop cross-culturally and I've learned not to expect very many reciprocal relationships.

But, in January, just when I was a bit discouraged that we seem to be "giving" so much and not seeing much feedback/response, there was a flood. A friend asked me out to lunch, and then insisted on paying the entire bill (which was 5% of his monthly salary). Then another couple brought us dinner. And yet another couple came to our house and cooked dinner (one of my favorite meals in the world: India's dosa).

This all happened in the span of about a week. We were really encouraged. Sometimes work overseas is hard to measure. But we do look for deepening relationships that, just as in the West, are mutually respectful. When there is dignity on both sides, there is reciprocity. Very fun!

Outsourcing: potty training

Yes, India is known for outsourcing. When you call almost any 1-800 number, I suspect you hear an Indian accent. But we've turned the tables a bit...

Libby's mom, Kathy, has been potty training Shane for about 2 weeks. He is now consistently going "small potty" in the training toilet without any assistance. Yeah!! He just runs over, drops his drawers, and tinkles away. Then carries it into the bathroom and empties it. The next stop is the refrigerator where he picks up a gummy dinosaur (some friends sent a bag of candy from Singapore and this turned out to be the perfect reward). We probably should add another stop in there so he can wash his hands!

Of course, he is still working on going "big potty" ... and there have been a few messes along the way, but that is why I'm so glad we've outsouced. I didn't have to clean up! Anyway, thanks to mothers-in-law who have determination and endurance for such a task. I want to outsource some more things to USA-based people. Any volunteers?

Hidden Costs of Births in India

It has almost been 2 weeks since Asha joined us. Overall, it has been great! She is generally a very polite, relaxed kid. She seems to have a similar temperament to Shane...but only time will tell. She's starting to sleep for longer periods which will hopefully allow us to catch up on sleep.

But within hours of her delivery, I began to spend lots of money due to Indian culture and tradition. It was fun and I wanted to document this for posterity.

At most hospitals in India, the staff (nurses, cleaning staff, security guards, etc.) ask for tips -- either blatently or subtily. However, our hospital, has trained their staff not to ask for tips. We decided to give a large gift (about 10% of the overall bill) to their employees' benevolence fund. And I did give the valet parking attendent Rs. 10 ($0.25).

The next day I bought about 11 kg. (24 lbs!!) of candy to distribute to colleagues, neighbors, friends, local businesses, etc. This cost about $100. But in terms of income for the average Indian, it was a full month's salary. And it almost broke some bones since I carried it home on my motorcycle in two bags hanging from my wrists. It also took a lot of time. I personally handed the sweets (they're milk-based candy with nuts/fruit mixed in) to at least 140 people over the next three days. Another 40 people received sweets via some helpers.

And, besides showing a picture of the baby, everyone wanted to know: the weight (they don't care about length! and the avg weight here is 2.6kg...Asha was 3.7kg) and if it was a "normal" delivery (i.e. not a c-section, which many doctors push ladies to have; it takes less time and costs a third more than natural delivery). Then, when I shared that we've already "fixed a name", some were shocked since babies usually don't get a name for a couple of weeks. That gives the family time to consults the stars (or Christians will pray) and make a group decision. We're a little strange and different...but people were thrilled to hear we chose an Indian name!

Welcome to baby Asha

Our baby girl was born on Sat. night, Feb. 13, at 11:10pm here in Hyderabad. Her name is Asha Judith Spotts, and she was 8lbs 2oz and about 19 inches long. We have lots to be thankful for…a quick drive across town (20 min, instead of the normal 45 min), a normal delivery, our doctor arrived at the hospital 15 before the birth, and much more.

Asha (ahhh-shaw) means hope or wish in Hindi…and in some African languages we’re told it means light. And Judith was my mom's name. As most of you know, she died in June 2000, but we wanted to honor her legacy.

We’re home and Libby and Asha are doing well. We’re grateful to have Libby’s mom here to help out. Our two boys, Shane (3 yrs) and Lukas (17 months) have realized (mostly) what is happening. Shane has been particularly tender...wanted to give his baby sister new toys, take her outside to use his toy saw on some wood, read her books, etc. Lukas is still very suspicious of the little pink blanket that occasionally makes funny sounds. Very fun!