Things I'll miss about India

With just three days to go before we leave India, we have said a majority of our goodbyes to both places and people. We have the 14 suitcases 90% packed. We're entering the home stretch.

Obviously, there are a few things we won't miss...right now the raw sewage flowing under my parked car or the paint peeling off our ceiling, for example. But there are many things I will miss:

• short commute to work (15 min.)
• a large amount of control over my own work hours/time with kids
• fresh tropical fruit (i.e. mango)
• cheap flowers, medicines, domestic airfare, and postage!
• dosa and jelebi
• being noticed and respected by colleagues, neighbors, etc. (in other words, even if you wanted to blend in, a tall white guy can't!)
• work that clearly needed to be done to help the needy
• riding in the autorickshaw with the boys
• a few good friends who have taught me much about their culture through our shared experiences
• riding motorcycle on cool days

 
There's more, but my mind is a bit dulled by the pressure of trying to tie up loose ends here. On Monday night, at about 10pm, it will all be behind me when we sit down on the flight to Dubai. But I will continue to remember -- and treasure -- our time in India for years to come.

What makes Bella (and Daddy) a little cranky

About two weeks ago, Bella starting getting teeth. All the kids had their teeth start to come in during the third or fourth month. But, within a day or two, Bella was also rolling over -- halfway. Which means, that she would wake up on her tummy, not be able to turn back over, get mad at the villan who must have rolled her over, and let out some loud sounds.

Of course, since daddy (and mommy) shares the room, Bella's commentary throughout the night is a bit of a disturbance. I think it's time to give Bella her own room!

In other news, a week ago (on Monday), the staff at my main partner organisation/client let our whole family drop by to say goodbye and then had a nice farewell lunch for me.

The last few days have been busy selling the vehicles and filling in our calendar with dinners with friends, final visits to favorite places, etc. Then our car broke a few belts yesterday on the way to pick up a friend at the airport. Thus, we've been using taxis and autorickshaws for the last 24 hours. In India, there is never a dull moment.

Life tidbits...

Although we're busy gearing up for a major life change -- a new job for me, moving the family almost 8,000 miles (literally), selling/packing, closing utility accounts, and more -- life goes on.

About two weeks ago, Asha took her first steps. She's not excited about walking but tries a few steps each day. Bella is "talking" more and more. Luke is taking more and more risks outside and inside (i.e. climbing railings, whacking insects, etc.). Shane has been spending lots of time on the porch swing.

Everyone (except Libby and the baby) has had colds. The monsoon rains have been welcomed along with cooler temps and less air conditioning (which means a smaller electricity bill)!

And, we were sad when our friend from Goa, Chandni, had to go back home last night -- a week earlier than expected. But we were so grateful to have her help the last 2 months and she left us with a freezer of baked desserts. Yeah!

We hope to have plane tickets in our hands in the next 24 hours. Looks like we'll depart for the USA on the evening of August 15. My friends have made some jokes about that because it is Independence Day (celebrating when the British finally left India). On that day, India will also get independence from the Spotts.

FAQ about India to USA move

Based on some responses via email and Facebook to our announcement, here are some "frequently asked questions" and answers about our move back to the USA.

Why are you leaving so soon? August is only a few weeks away!
The visas for Libby and kids expire in mid-August and mine in December. We, after consulting our bosses, decided that it wasn't worth the effort/expense to extend them given the core reasons behind our decision won't change in the near future. Also, if we return before September, Shane can start pre-school at the same time as his classmates.

I'm confused. We heard you're working until November?
Yes, we'll get back in mid-August and use some vacation time. Then September will be busy visiting our headquarters and debriefing. Many companies help employees who have had a "posting" overseas to relocate and transition back into USA life. Our org was very generous to give us 2 additional months if needed. Obviously, if I get a job sooner, I won't take salary from two places!

Ok, so REALLY why are you leaving? Any hidden reasons?
Nope. Really! This is about my temperament and knowing what environment I (and my family) need to thrive at this stage in life. There is nothing 'wrong' with Indian or American colleagues and the direction of the work here. I just feel that, at this point in my life, it isn't a great fit anymore. For example, I'm looking for less of a self-starter atmosphere and more team projects. And instead of learning by experience, I'm ready for mentoring or formal continuing education.

Is there any connection to last year's medical problems for Libby?
None. We did have some insecurities about India's medical system after her TB infection, of course. But we overcame those when Ben had knee surgery in February and Libby gave birth to another child here in April!

Does Ben have a job lined up?
Nope. I'm starting the job search this week (see my LinkedIn profile), although it is challenging to do this from overseas (despite Skype, emails, etc. which do make the world smaller).

Isn't your approach a bit risky with a family of four young children?
Yep, it's risky but not irresponsible...we have good support network in Portland, some savings, and most of all, confidence that something will open up. We need to move into a new season of life and are taking the next step even though everything isn't settled. Factoid: unemployement is close to 10% in Oregon; in India it is about 6%.

Do you want to stay in Portland?
We're open to moving anywhere in the USA, although living near Portland, OR for the next few years would be ideal (at least until the kids hit kindergarten?!) because, with four kids under four years old, the support network of friends and family would be nice for Libby.

What kind of job does Ben really want? I heard he wants to work for a "justice-minded org".
By a justice-minded organization, I simply mean that there are many relief or compassion groups that try to help the disadvantaged, but I'm more attracted to those that tackle structural injustices through projects or campaigns. Of course, there may be a department inside a relief org that looks at justice issues. That said, I'm wired to gather info, analyze, teach/train, and interact with people. So, combined with my cross-cultural interests, this could mean a job in a variety of areas including human resources, employee training, corporate communciations, or benchmarking any type of campaign (even a relief project). I would like to work for a 50+ employee organization since they typically have continuing education benefits and experienced management.

Will you go back to India someday? Would you rejoin your company after further training and experience?
We're not returning to the USA because we're saying "no" to India or our company. At a future season in life, we'd be open to rejoining or moving abroad again. Don't forget that all four kids were born in India so I'm sure we'll at least visit here again.

A decision...and Ben's thoughts

When Libby and I moved to India in January 2006, we thought we'd work here for a long time...perhaps until any children were in middle school. There are so many opportunities in India: to help the needy, a growing economy, a diverse culture, amazing geography to explore, and more.

But we've decided to end our contract and move back to the USA in August. The decision has even shocked us a bit. We certainly have mixed emotions. On the one hand, we've been going two years at a time and re-evaluating after each chapter if we want to continue or not. We've completed almost 6 years and feel satisfied we've achieved many things, especially with my Indian clients and colleagues. Of course, it's not just about getting things done. Our children were all (four) were born here and we've had positive relationships with neighbors, shopkeepers, government officials, etc. And we've grown personally through challenges we intentionally brought upon ourselves by living in a developing country as well as challenges thrust upon us (like Libby's TB infection last year).

Through it all, we've learned more about ourselves and our place in this world. This is a process that most people haven't seen, of course, but has intensified over the last few months through conversations with a trusted counselor, close friends, colleagues, and family.

When my mom died in June 2000 and I listened to the things said at her memorial service, I had several things seared into my mind forever: we have one life to live to its fullest and people are what matter. For me, that involves helping my family thrive and using my gifts/talents to help the needy as best I can. That's really the bottom line although I'm sure some people are expecting something juicy or a hidden reason behind our decision.

I'm a bit nervous about the next season of life since I have many opportunities but nothing nailed down. But sometimes we have to take one step at a time and trust that we've been walking on the right path...and the lamp in our shaking hands will reveal the next step as we move forward.

(I'll probably blog tomorrow about some common questions we're getting and the answers. Stay tuned.)

UN Fridge

Yes, one of the fun things about living overseas is to look in your fridge. It really is a like a meeting of the United Nations. Although most of our food is from India, many other countries are represented in the cupboard and fridge! For example, I looked a few mintues ago and here's some countries represented:

South Africa: juice
France: yogurt
Denmark: jam/jelly
Singapore: roast almonds
Indonesia: cookies
Britain: ketchup
USA: maple syrup

By the way, the best news in a long time was when our grocery store started carrying tortilla chips made locally a few months ago!

The big change: early to bed...

With all three kids, around the age of 2-3 months they went from a 9-10pm bedtime to a 5-6pm bedtime. And...Bella joined the club sometime over the last week! It's nice because Libby now has a little more free time to exercise or do whatever.

In other random news, we've had some unbelieveable "only in India" days lately. Last night the fireworks were going at 11pm and again at 2:30am which put Shane into tears. (They were from a nearby wedding reception hall and someone was celebrating.) Then the power went out from 3-7am which meant no air conditioners, but luckily it was raining a bit and bearable. In fact, the rain might have knocked out the power...

Saturday was another challenging day. Flat tire. Tried to get it fixed, but shop didn't open til 10am and we needed to be across town to meet friends. Tried to change it myself, but tools didn't work right. Called a taxi but that took 45 min. to arrive. It all turned out good with nice taxi driver, the right price ($9 for a 40 min ride) and friend who gave us a ride home. Power was then out for 6 hours, the sewage people cleaned nearby drain and put human waste near our gate, etc. And then the tire shop wouldn't fix my tire since they have recently switched to only servicing tubeless tires. At least they put the spare tire on for $1.25.

It is all survivable. And we're thankful the monsoon is here. And Bella is sleeping early!

Plastic chicken out, back rubs in

A little bit o' news from life in the Spotts house. This morning our friend Chandni arrived by train at 5am from Goa. She's been Libby's friend for over a decade, was in our wedding, etc. and generously agreed to live with us and help with the kids for about 2 months. We're thrilled. Soon Asha will be walking and baby Bella in a predicatable sleeping pattern, but until then, life is very busy for Libby and extra hands much appreciated!

In other news, Asha has officially discarded her favorite toy from the last two months: a plastic/toy fried chicken leg. She now prefers climbing up on the couch (a new thing) and 'reading' books. She also coos at her doll.

Shane -- who isn't always touchy-feely -- has been requesting lots of back scratching lately as he falls asleep or lounges downstairs. He's fighting a cold and low grade fever, too. He is the king of using Libby's laptop to access starfall.com (a educational website to which we just bought a subscription). He'll officially start pre-school in June.

Lukas continues to make amazing speeches and tell relatively complex stories. At 2.5 years old, he's truly articulate. A few days ago when mommy said, "You're so sweet I want to eat you," Lukas replied with a startled look on his face, "Mommy, don't eat me! We eat chapati and rice and yogurt." (Chapati is a flat Indian bread.)

Bella is entering the last (we hope) of the 'fussy' weeks in normal baby development. Overall, she's eating/sleeping fine and just a bit grumpy for a few hours each evening. We had an 'emergency' on Friday when the baby swing quit working and I searched the town for a new one.

At the end of most days we're exhausted, but truly happy with our four awesome, beautiful kids.

A million details to remember in India

It was really great having Libby's mom here with us for 2.5 months. However, in explaining how our house works, I realized how many small, inconvenient details exist in our daily lives here. It's not a complaint, just a fact. Here's a room by room guide.

Kitchen: don't forget that you can't run the microwave and toaster at same time or circuit breaker will trip, to turn on water pump for 20-30 min each day (to get water up to roof tank), to listen to pump -- if it runs dry it will burn up! to cover garbage to discourage cockroaches, to put honey in bowl with water or ants will get to it, and more

Bedrooms: don't forget to turn on/off ceiling fan when you leave the room, turn on/off the air conditioner, close the door to bathroom (and windows) when A/C is on.

Bathrooms: jiggle the faucets to get the water to turn off, turn on the water heater for hot water (and don't forget to turn off)

All rooms: don't forget to open windows at night and close them by 10am to keep the cool air inside, when you open/close windows you must be sure the velcro screens are resealed (or risk mosquito invasion), turn on the switch by the outlet if you want to use an appliance.

And more. You get the picture. Could some of these be fixed? Probably, but most aren't a big deal...until they are all combined! All I have to say: when my memory starts to fade, I will have a hard time living here!

The smell of the kitchen

Early this morning Grandma Crawford left for the USA. All the kids (and us) are sad, although we know we'll head to the USA sometime in the next 6 months for visa renewals. Lukas was the most weepy and had a meltdown at the breakfast table. After we realized what the quivering lip was all about and talked about a future trip on an airplane, he cheered up.

When Kathy comes, she bakes. It is absolutely a treat since baked goods available for purchase are sooooo different here. A few of the things she made:

Cinnamon rolls (with raisens and without)
Apple pie
Zucchini-carrot bread
Oatmeal squares
Donuts (glazed cake type)
Multiple kinds of pancakes
Crepes (actually Dutch pancakes) with cinnamon apple toppings
Chocolate cake
Blueberry-apple pie
"Christmas" cookies

And all from scratch, people! In a hot climate, cooking in a hot kitchen is an act of love. Thanks, Kathy!

Bella Kathryn

Crib ID.

Meeting her brothers and big sister.

9 lbs, 8 ounces. 8:44 pm., April 6th.

 

All I can do is laugh... It's a girl!!!

Not Enough

Lots going on here. Got my leg brace off on Saturday (ACL is healing nicely). Enjoyed historic moment when India won Cricket World Cup on Saturday night and the resulting fireworks made my boys cry (temporarily). Shane survived a scary incident with a live wire and pliers. Our yard continues to attack Lukas (welts/hives from mystery allergy or perhaps insects). And baby #4 refuses to arrive; current plan is to induce on Wednesday.

But I wanted to write about something painful I've noticed. I grew up in a place that said: if there's not enough, we'll make more. As in, if we run out of apple pie, we'll make more. If there's not enough money in my account, there must be a way to earn more. If a store runs out of an item, there will be a nearby store that carries the same item for a little more money.

But here, and in many developing economies, people remember. There was a time in the not so distant past when there was not enough. When the rice was gone, there was no more rice and people died. When the gasoline ran out, the cars and motorcycles simply sat on the side of the road. When the money ran out, there were no loans available or second, part-time jobs.

Actually, since moving to Hyderabad about 5 years ago, there has been at least twice when there was a gasoline shortage for over a week. Many times when water for bathing/washing simple wasn't available for several days (both the well at our house was dry and the city stopped delivering water). And there have been many, many times when the electricity is simply turned off without an announcement and, soon, the batteries run down.

The results can be good. No electricity means children adjust to lukewarm gas-stove heated milk instead of microwave heated milk. We take baths by candlelight. Sometimes people with more will share. Overall, we adapt and don't get complacent.

The tough thing is that people who have experienced "not enough" instinctively fight for more. They might fight even when there is plenty to go around. For example, the space on the road is limited and there is no mercy for pedestrians or cars with too great a following distance. Or, although seats are assigned on a flight, people scramble to be first inside. Seeing the desparation and lack of grace that comes from believing there is "not enough" in the world is distrurbing, but understandable. Showing grace in the midst of agressive posturing is tiring but important.

Babysitter paradise

Grandma Crawford has been here just over a month. She is obviously much, much more than a babysitter! But, a small benefit of her visit is the easy childcare situtation that has allowed Libby and I several adventures in the last few weeks. Btw, I suppose it is possible to find babysitters here...there are a few fellow Americans we could ask and a few Indians who understand our culture well enough to come over for an evening. But it is difficult and the culture generally doesn't have a tradition of babysitters...it is almost always relatives who live with you and help out (or a maid that you hire to live with you).

Anyway, I've really enjoyed: an anniversary dinner with Libby at the new, funky, five-star The Park hotel on the edge of the lake; an anniversary breakfast at a new Indian restaurant nearby (yes, we celebrated our 7th anniversary twice); going with Libby to her last doctor(s) appointments; and several other outtings.

These outings...and the fact that there have been so many of them (almost weekly) has been a huge treat for us. They couldn't have come at a better time since life has been draining with hot climate, civil unrest worries, challenges for me at work, and, in general, trying to keep up with three little kids while preparing for a fourth. So, thanks Grandma!

Burgers, big boy beds, and other random news

It's been two weeks since the surgery on my right knee. Got the staples out last Thursday, had the courage to watch the DVD (recorded from arthroscopic camera), and still have some achy-ness. Today I tried driving to work...a challenge with the leg brace, but possible.

There's been some big family news. Libby took her last TB pills on Friday then saw doctors on Saturday who think baby #4 will join us in the next two weeks. Then Saturday afternoon we borrowed another bed and moved furniture in all the bedrooms. Lukas is now sleeping in a 'big boy bed' with siderails and he's quite proud. He's done good during the first two nights, using his pillow and "blanket" (a sheet) and not coming out until 6:30am. Asha likes the cot she inherited from Lukas although she's clearly noticed the change and mumbles for a few minutes before falling asleep.

The weather is finally hot. Was nice that this year, for some reason, it stayed cool through February. No deep thoughts today. Just happy to have a healthy family...and the help of my mother-in-law at our house. In fact, she did child care on Sunday which allowed Libby and I to go on a date to a shopping mall and get a great lunch at Hard Rock Cafe! I had my second REAL BEEF burger in the space of a week. Yeah!! A real treat since I only eat beef about once every six months.

Recovering from surgery

I woke up around 6pm last Thursday with that pleasant, woozy feeling that is produced by wonderful medical chemicals. My knee surgery lasted about 3 hours and they found four problems (including 2 unanticipated) to fix. But at the time, all I knew was three things:
1. I was cold and couldn't get my voice to work (to summon nurses) or hands (to pull up the blanket). I lay there shivering.
2. I couldn't unclench my jaw. (Perhaps related to being too cold?)
3. I was having trouble breathing. Luckily a mask helped me take some deep breaths...and I thought about various fishing trips with my dad to calm my mind.

It was a good experience. Makes you feel deeply the lack of control and the fragility of the body. The hospital staff were good and I was back in my room by 7pm (surgery started around 1pm). Went home the next evening. Enjoyed several days of good sleep. A week later, there is little pain in the knee although I have to keep the brace on for 5 more weeks.

The boys are a little perturbed that I can't swing them around like normal or climb up to the roof. They do like the 'robot' leg and have requested me to get them some. Asha has started standing up a lot and continues to use her two words: "dadadadada" and "mamamamama". I'm not supposed to lift things, but I'm making a small exception for my baby girl! Needless to say, Libby is tired since she's in the last month of the pregnancy and we're both VERY grateful that her mom arrived last week to take care of all of us.

Silence means...

Usually silence on a blog like this means one of several things:
Increased busyness
More stress
Sick kids

In my case, it is all three. But the good news is that tomorrow is a long-planned ACL (knee) surgery. When you're the father of several small kids, the only real way to take a vacation is to schedule a surgery. Although I'm not looking forward to the pain and rehab, I'm very much looking forward to being put to sleep and having nothing to do in the hospital for two days.

Neighborhood DJ

I returned from a tiring but welcomed trip to rural India last weekend. It was good to be reminded of the challenges of 75% of India's citizens. The classic moment was when we were told to detour by police at a checkpost. Apparently, some villagers were blocking the road ahead because they want the road improved so that it will be ranked as a national highway.

This morning the annual celebration for a local temple began. They hook up loudspeakers to electricity poles throughout the neighborhood and broadcast a live singing session from 7am-10pm. The chanting is interesting at first, although a bit loud. After a while it either becomes white noise or a grinding headache. It depends on the quality of the musicians and the volume that the guy at the sound board chooses. It lasts for a few days. I wonder how it will turn out this year?

Shashi Tharoor, former top UN official and now a politician inside India, often observes that religion is anything but private here. Here is my favorite article on the topic of general noise levels in India.

Sick kids and tile floors: good combo

The last week was tiring and not fun. For the first (but probably not last) time, all three kids had liquids coming out both ends...at the same time. The good news is that there are few carpets in India and none in our house. The three rugs were put away quickly. All of which made cleaning up a lot easier than it would have been in the USA!

To make matters worse, I got sick on Thursday and am now taking two anti-biotics but feeling better and, most important, able to help Libby. The kids are much better after about 5 days of illness. Another silver lining to the cloud? Sick, lethargic kids don't have energy to fight with each other and like to cuddle more than normal. Ah, yes, hidden blessings, but I'm still happy we're getting healthy again.

What I passed on the National Highway

On my way to the office, I drive on National Highway 7 for about 10 minutes. This morning was a typical morning. I passed the normal collection of amazing, unpredictable things that, after 5 years, seem normal. But fun to record them:

• 8 water buffalo wandering without a guide (presumably on the way to pasture)
• 2 camels with riders heading into town (probably to give rides at a wedding)
• a flower cart (was definitely going below the speed limit)
• bridge that's been under construction for 9 years (!)
• our post office - colonial building with delightful staff and periodic electricity
• several dhabas (essentially truck stops; these are restaurants with outdoor seating, huge portions, and great prices)
• lots of garbage dumped along the road - including coconut shells which, when it rains, will float onto the road and make it exciting for two-wheelers!
• fruit stands
• Army base with a basketball court
• and much more.

Some commutes, like anywhere in the world, are frustrating when there's bad traffic. But today was pleasant. Sunny skies and temps in the 70s F. Freedom on the motorcycle to weave in and out of traffic. Lots of things for the eye to behold!

Swept your dirt or roof lately?

One of the strangely satisfying parts of my holiday was sweeping our roof and front yard. The roof is flat with a railing so it is one of the few big open places for the kids to run around. Unfortunately, cats and birds leave their calling cards occasionally and somehow there were tons of little rocks up there which are hard on little bare feet. All clean now.

Also, our front yard (about 10x6 feet) is packed dirt. The falling leaves and sticks from overhanging trees need to be cleaned, so I sweep the dirt bi-weekly. Feels weird sweeping the dirt (not sweeping up dirt)! But looks clean afterwards and reduces the debris in which mosquitoes and other critters hide.

Next weekend, I'll get some gardeners from our partner org to come by for a few hours. They do the big work of weeding, trimming the plants, and sweeping the concert around the entire house. The price is right: about $2 an hour.

Clapping and crying: new developments...kinda

About a week ago, Asha started clapping. It is fun to see her full smile (with wrinkled brow and squinted eyes) as she claps.

Lukas is at a point where he doesn't want anything in his crib. We recall something similar with Shane. There is lots of crying at bedtime and a fear of the dark. But having Shane in the same room is helpful since he's a good example to his little brother of staying quiet and in bed!

At some point in the next few weeks we need to move Lukas from his crib to a bed. This is so that Asha can shift from her travel cot to the crib. All this allows the new baby to go into the travel cot. Should be a challenge since Lukas is a little more strong willed than Shane and likely to jump out of his bed more!

Don't think we mentioned this anywhere, but when we returned to India in mid-Sept, Shane started taking a stuffed cat (which came with book "If you give a cat a cupcake") to bed. Then he added a heffalump. Shane instructed Lukas to take a tan kitty (gifted at an IDEAS conference) to bed...and Lukas eventually added a moose (which came with book "If you give a moose a muffin). Anyway, apparently Lukas is now old enough and is excising his independent decision making powers.

Grateful in the New Year

First, I'm grateful for 2011 since 2010 was a bit rough. But, second, and more important I'm thankful for several events in 2010 that were divine or answers to prayer. A lot in life could be attributed to happenstance, but a few things are so beyond our control that they are surely Divine. I never want to forget the four following answers to prayer which happened during Libby's struggle with tuburculosis.

1. Just before boarding the plane back to the USA, a long-time friend with a relatively new job offered to help us. Her job? She works with doctors that jointly see patients with possible infectious diseases in their limbs! Exactly the experts we needed to see since Libby's infection was in her left leg. And appointments that usually takes weeks to get were made within 48 hours.
2. The surgeon in USA called in his buddy -- a cancer specialist -- to help with the surgery. Due to their combined skills, they didn't have to extend Libby's incision from previous surgery and took a successful biopsy.
3. During each surgery and then, after the TB meds started, Libby had to stop breastfeeding. But Asha never missed a beat and the transition to a bottle was seamless.
4. Libby never had a reaction or any sideaffects to the massive amounts of medicines (first, via IV for a suspected tropical disease and, later, for TB).

I'm grateful beyond words.