Firsts: Fun times, great memories

I need to add some pictures or videos, but here are some great things that have happened despite Libby's tuburculosis and our forced return to the USA:

• Shane and Lukas experiencing their first small-town July 4th parade. They loved the horses, anything with sirens, and lots of crazy bicycles.
• Shane touching snow for the first time with a smile and saying, "It makes a sound!" (when you walk on it). Lukas touching snow for the first time with a frown, then a cry, but then trying to eat it.
• Several trips to the Portland Children's Museum and, separately, the Zoo. I could virtually see the boys brains getting activated!
• Some quality time at the Oregon coast. They loved the sand. And running in the wide open space. Fun to watch.

Also, for the record, Lukas has entered a stage where his favorite phrase when he wants us to join him in some part of the house is, "Come on guys. It's fun!" And Asha is squirming all around the room; feels like it won't be long until she'll be crawling. And Shane is playing his toy guitar while making up lyrics/songs, and he continues to be fully alert and ready to go at 6am. Yikes.

Stuff I don't want to forget

The last seven weeks in the USA have flown by. Lots of doctor appointments for Libby and mainly just catching up on sleep and energy lost since Libby's leg became infected in late February.

In the midst of this, about four weeks ago, Asha started rolling over. Now she regularly wakes up on her tummy, or rolls over while playing in the living room. She continues to be a happy camper who hardly ever complains. And she's started "talking" and is very responsive if you mimic the sounds back to her.

Lukas also hit a milestone. About two weeks ago he started walking down stairs while diligently holding the railing. He continues to talk -- a lot. On the way home from the beach on Sunday, he talked non-stop for the entire 1 hour 15 minute trip. Amazing...and funny!

Meanwhile, I noticed Shane hopping on one leg the other day. He's also improved in catching balls that he throws up in the air. Last, he's got a mind like a steel trap and continues to amaze me when he starts singing (or combining) songs that he's heard. Fun times!

Blogs I wish I'd written

A lot has happened over the last 6 weeks. Here's some things I wish I'd written about:

1. Singapore: Shopping Madness, My First Bubble Tea, and Lukas Experiences a Pet Store

2. 42 Hrs of Travel: The trip back to the USA and its similaries with The Amazing Race, but with Libby's use of wheelchairs in all four airports

3. The Medical Marvel: this was Libby's nickname for a while at the Oregon hospital; also many people wanted to know if her leg problem (which turned out to be TB) was from an episode of "House"

It has been exactly a month since we arrived in the USA on medical leave. I'm finally caught up on sleep and feel my energy returning after 3 months of madness in India. I'll write more soon!

Reading Insanity

I like to read. In fact, in a good way, I take pride in the fact that I read widely. I read a study once that said the average American (after finishing school) reads less than 2 books a year. But somehow I've gotten myself into a mess. Check it out.

On my bedside table:

• Parenting with Love and Logic
• India's Unending Journey, by Tully
• Bakht Singh of India
• Complications, by A. Gwande
• Nehru, by Tharoor
• And at least 5 past issues of Wired magazine, 3 issues of Outlook Traveller magazine

On my Kindle:

• The First 90 Days, by Watkins
• Leadership with Cultural Intelligence, by Livermore
• And a bunch of free PDF books, mostly by J. Piper

On my desk at work:

• In Spite of the Gods: The Strange Rise of Modern India, by Luce (re-readig this; best book on India I've read...ever)
• The Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners Think Differently and Why, by Nisbett
• Speaking of India: Bridging the Communication Gap when Working with Indians, by Storti
• Change Across Cultures, by Bradshaw
• Just Courage, by Haugen
• And five other "leadership" books which I want to skim

Yikes! Time to focus and try to finish a few before starting any more. But it does reveal the main themes of my life right now: parenting, cross-cultural , and leadership issues.

Party Hard

In India, there are a few popular ways to spend your free time: watch movies (on TV or in theater), go for a picnic to a park, or eat at a nice restaurant. Mostly due to limited finances as well as limited exposure, very few people know how to do fly fishing, sailing, rock climbing, or other pastimes from the West. So what did I do on my birthday?

In celebration of my 36 years, we had a simple but nice celebration which involved: a movie and eating good food. Looks like I've adapted to the culture.

Seriously, there were several simple, but wonderful things about the day:
1. I got to sleep in til 8:30am thanks to my wife and in-laws. With 3 kids, this is rare priviledge.
2. We had pancakes for breakfast.
3. My wife got me a subcription to one of my favorite magazines, Wired. I also received a generous amount of cash from some relatives. Maybe I'll use it for subscriptions to Outside or Outlook Traveller.
4. I had a nice, long conversation with my friend Sumeet, who recently moved away to North India.
5. Had take out food from my favorite Chinese restaurant in the city. And HOMEMADE chocolate b-day cake with REAL Philadelphia Cream Cheese frosting.
6. Watched "The Peacemaker" with Nicole Kidman and George Clooney, one of my favorite action movies of all time and probably the first DVD I ever purchased.

Simple, but nice. That's how I'll remember this b-day!

P.S. Thanks to the dozens of people who sent me b-day greetings via Libby's Facebook page.

Reciprocity

In any friendship, there must be give and take. A two-way street. This is especially true in cross-cultural relationships that are genuine. It is also more difficult to develop cross-culturally and I've learned not to expect very many reciprocal relationships.

But, in January, just when I was a bit discouraged that we seem to be "giving" so much and not seeing much feedback/response, there was a flood. A friend asked me out to lunch, and then insisted on paying the entire bill (which was 5% of his monthly salary). Then another couple brought us dinner. And yet another couple came to our house and cooked dinner (one of my favorite meals in the world: India's dosa).

This all happened in the span of about a week. We were really encouraged. Sometimes work overseas is hard to measure. But we do look for deepening relationships that, just as in the West, are mutually respectful. When there is dignity on both sides, there is reciprocity. Very fun!

Outsourcing: potty training

Yes, India is known for outsourcing. When you call almost any 1-800 number, I suspect you hear an Indian accent. But we've turned the tables a bit...

Libby's mom, Kathy, has been potty training Shane for about 2 weeks. He is now consistently going "small potty" in the training toilet without any assistance. Yeah!! He just runs over, drops his drawers, and tinkles away. Then carries it into the bathroom and empties it. The next stop is the refrigerator where he picks up a gummy dinosaur (some friends sent a bag of candy from Singapore and this turned out to be the perfect reward). We probably should add another stop in there so he can wash his hands!

Of course, he is still working on going "big potty" ... and there have been a few messes along the way, but that is why I'm so glad we've outsouced. I didn't have to clean up! Anyway, thanks to mothers-in-law who have determination and endurance for such a task. I want to outsource some more things to USA-based people. Any volunteers?

Hidden Costs of Births in India

It has almost been 2 weeks since Asha joined us. Overall, it has been great! She is generally a very polite, relaxed kid. She seems to have a similar temperament to Shane...but only time will tell. She's starting to sleep for longer periods which will hopefully allow us to catch up on sleep.

But within hours of her delivery, I began to spend lots of money due to Indian culture and tradition. It was fun and I wanted to document this for posterity.

At most hospitals in India, the staff (nurses, cleaning staff, security guards, etc.) ask for tips -- either blatently or subtily. However, our hospital, has trained their staff not to ask for tips. We decided to give a large gift (about 10% of the overall bill) to their employees' benevolence fund. And I did give the valet parking attendent Rs. 10 ($0.25).

The next day I bought about 11 kg. (24 lbs!!) of candy to distribute to colleagues, neighbors, friends, local businesses, etc. This cost about $100. But in terms of income for the average Indian, it was a full month's salary. And it almost broke some bones since I carried it home on my motorcycle in two bags hanging from my wrists. It also took a lot of time. I personally handed the sweets (they're milk-based candy with nuts/fruit mixed in) to at least 140 people over the next three days. Another 40 people received sweets via some helpers.

And, besides showing a picture of the baby, everyone wanted to know: the weight (they don't care about length! and the avg weight here is 2.6kg...Asha was 3.7kg) and if it was a "normal" delivery (i.e. not a c-section, which many doctors push ladies to have; it takes less time and costs a third more than natural delivery). Then, when I shared that we've already "fixed a name", some were shocked since babies usually don't get a name for a couple of weeks. That gives the family time to consults the stars (or Christians will pray) and make a group decision. We're a little strange and different...but people were thrilled to hear we chose an Indian name!

Welcome to baby Asha

Our baby girl was born on Sat. night, Feb. 13, at 11:10pm here in Hyderabad. Her name is Asha Judith Spotts, and she was 8lbs 2oz and about 19 inches long. We have lots to be thankful for…a quick drive across town (20 min, instead of the normal 45 min), a normal delivery, our doctor arrived at the hospital 15 before the birth, and much more.

Asha (ahhh-shaw) means hope or wish in Hindi…and in some African languages we’re told it means light. And Judith was my mom's name. As most of you know, she died in June 2000, but we wanted to honor her legacy.

We’re home and Libby and Asha are doing well. We’re grateful to have Libby’s mom here to help out. Our two boys, Shane (3 yrs) and Lukas (17 months) have realized (mostly) what is happening. Shane has been particularly tender...wanted to give his baby sister new toys, take her outside to use his toy saw on some wood, read her books, etc. Lukas is still very suspicious of the little pink blanket that occasionally makes funny sounds. Very fun!

Jeans and cold weather

There is about 6-7 weeks a year in India when it is cold enough to wear my jeans. Now is the time. I'm thrilled. The temp? A "cold" 80 degrees in our bedroom all day long. Nice.

Luke has started toddling and knows a few words: "Seeee thaaaaat!" and "dada"

Seriously. He also loves the word "up" (although he can't say it) and starts crawling as fast as possible towards the stairs that go up to the bedrooms...

Luke has also decided that the maximum time he wants to spend in the bathtub (a plastic washbasin that is about 18 inches in diameter) is about 15 seconds. This started three nights ago. Not sure why...but perhaps because it is cold? Sure makes bath times challenging!

Not much else new. Luke continues to shriek when excited, violently nod his head back-and-forth when happy, and make his brother laugh during prayer time before every meal. Shane continues to straighten the carpet when he sees the edge got folded over, jump off things, and sit on Lukas whenever possible. Both of them love the Christmas decorations which consist of a nativity scene, a plastic Christmas tree with a few plastic ornaments, beads, and lights, and some fake boughs (and plastic ornaments/lights) above one doorway. If they're happy, I'm happy!

Back in India

At some point, I feel that we should record the challenges of cross-cultural, cross-continental travel for our kids to appreciate at some point in the distant future. Let's just say that 22+ hours on planes with less than 2 hours sleep due to active little guys was not fun.

The good news was that clearing customs in India was quick, the swine flu screening (they have thermal imaging cameras and a masked nurse who asked some questins) was efficient, and our bags showed up undamaged.

Shane and Lukas both recovered from jet lag quickly. The noise of India (horns, shouting, etc. until about 2am) didn't seem to bother them although it is such a contrast to quiet Beaverton. Lukas is on the verge of walking and wears the same size diapers as Shane. A big boy.

It took us a while to get back in the groove: to stop invading ants and mosquitos, order more drinking water, fill up empty gas tanks, figure out why gas stove wasn't working (forgot that Indians put safety first and always turn of the gas cylinder switch), pay the street sweepers & newspaper guy & more who magically appeared at our gate within hours of our arrival, jiggle the phone line to get the connection to work, trim vines/plants which had taken over balcony, looking in several stores until we found XL diapers, and much more. Hmmm, maybe our tiredness isn't jet lag but just due to life!

But there are certainly many nice things about India: the postman who rang our bell and welcomed us back even tho' he didn't have any mail for us, the great cooking of our househelper, Shane's delighted expression at seeing his old toys, Lukas quickly crawling around the house without the friction from carpet, buying fresh potato chips from my favorite shop, riding my motorcycle, cheap tropical fruit we buy from a roadside stand, and reading our favorite Indian travel magazine.

Life here is as busy as the USA but it is the simple things that take up so much time. But the change is refreshing in many ways.

Life in the USA

Since we arrived in the USA in mid-July, we've enjoyed plenty of good food and great hospitality. But after five weeks of travel, sleeping in at least 8 locations, helping with two weddings, and multiple speaking opportunities, we're a bit tired!

Lukas hit a milestone last week when he began to crawl. Shane has conquered his dislike of swings, learned to ride a tricycle, developed a strong dislike of spider webs, went on a boat and train for the first time, and has had many other new experiences.

More later, but just wanted to document some of these things for posterity...and any faithful readers!

Shane speak

Shane does have his own unique language. About 3 months ago he started putting together small sentences and his English vocabulary is pretty big. He also knows a few Hindi words. But the thing I love his several unique terms that we never taught him. He just assigned meaning to these words...

Bubbock = Grandpa (sometimes interpreted as "grandma" too, we think)
Bolo = come! (in Hindi, this means "speak" so we think that he heard shopkeepers telling him to "come here and speak to me" and made the connection in his head)
Poof = spoon
lap = please sit
Um = food

There you have it. A little lesson in Shane speak.

Father's Day #4

Sunday was a fun day for me. We celebrated our first Father's Day in 2006 because a pastor decided all guys who were married and hoped to have a child one day should be applauded...and get the freebie they were distributing in the meeting. We didn't find out until about a week later that Libby was pregnant already.

Then 2007 was a few months after Shane's birth. And 2008 was with Shane, but Luke was "in the oven" and born a few weeks later. This year was relaxing and simple. Lots of time sitting around the house in the morning. A gift subscription to Wired. Then we headed for McDonald's.

I know. In the West, I typically avoid McDonald's. Yes, I've watched Supersize Me and know the dangers of the food as well as the marketing targeting kids. But overseas...well, it is a refuge of air conditioning, clean/fly-free surroundings, reasonably priced food (we all ate for under $10), and special people (i.e. the type who have seen foreigners so aren't tempted to pinch the cheeks of the boys).

And Shane recenty discovered ice cream cones. He's still learning how to lick them and made us laugh a lot. Unfortunately they were out of stock of the newly introduced Chicken McNuggets and, for some reason, this particular McDonald's doesn't have a milk shake machine.

The afternoon then included a needed nap, Shane exploring a backhoe that was parked down the street, washing the car (strangely relaxing), and some other home improvement stuff. It was fun and strangely memorable. I love the boys...each with their own unique personality: Shane is observant and cheerful and Luke is excitable and affectionate.

I'll try to blog here more often. Libby continues to post great blogs about culture challenges, life in India, and lots about the boys on her blog. There's plenty for both of us to write about, but little time!

Catching up

Okay, so Libby has been writing a lot about the family but posting to her blog. Check out some of these great posts and photos!

On both boys
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Tell me how the boys are different?
http://libbys-life.blogspot.com/2009/02/tell-me-how-boys-are-different.html
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
This is your wrapping-presents break
http://libbys-life.blogspot.com/2008/12/this-is-your-wrapping-presents-break.html

On Luke
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Sweet Pea and his secrets
http://libbys-life.blogspot.com/2009/02/sweet-pea-and-his-secrets.html
Friday, January 23, 2009
Seamless
http://libbys-life.blogspot.com/2009/01/seamless.html

On Shane
Sunday, February 08, 2009
A special day.
http://libbys-life.blogspot.com/2009/02/special-day.html

Other family topics
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Grandparent's visit
http://libbys-life.blogspot.com/2008/12/grandparents-visit.html

What you might

What you might overhear at our house these days is one mommy interacting with her not-yet-2 year-old saying such things as; "Gentle buddy...oh yes that bug is very big-don't eat the bug!...dirt. Yeah dirt!, don't eat the dirt!...gentle buddy, don't poke the baby's eye, gentle buddy, yes, that's nice, you're very sweet to share your juice with Luke, yes he sees the dirty diaper too." What you might also see at our house these days is one certain slightly frowny 2.5 month old lighting up with an enormous grin for one certain mommy who displays all sorts of idiocy for that smile. You may also see that mommy walking circles and squares and circles and squares with her fussy baby just before he naps which he's doing more and more on his own and without complaining (yippee!).

What you may want to know... is that grandma and grandpa Spotts are on their way for a 12-day visit! They are in the air and will arrive at 2:00 a.m. Thank you hubby for doing the dirty, I mean, early work of airport pick-up.

Shane's First ER. A worse day for the 'rents.

Shane had his first ER visit. He, of course, was fine 10 minutes after he tripped and gave himself a good open gash in the chin. Mommy and daddy, however were scattered and confused until a few phone calls were made, a doctor was seen, and some flesh-glue was applied to the wound. He was all giggles and squeals while we bit our nails and wondered if the scar would last not only on his skin but on his heart too (dramatic, I know!!!). But we all survived and though we hope not be be frequent friends of the ER experience, at least that's one visit down... how many more to go!??

Shane and milestones

Not much new here for some time...mostly due to a new baby in the house! But time flies...

Sometime in the last two weeks, Libby taught Shane to "give high fives" and "shake hands". This is a big deal because people -- perfect strangers -- in India are always approaching Shane and insisting that he shake hands. This is what proper little boys are supposed to do!

In other news, Shane is displaying the genetics of his father. Yes, he loves to put things back exactly where he found them before moving on to the next thing. For example, before he would sit down to lunch the other day, he insisted on taking a spoon back into the kitchen and putting it in the proper drawer. He had been whacking stuff around the house with it, but was now done playing with it. Then he was ready to climb into his booster chair and have lunch.

He's using more and more words: boat, house, bubble, etc. Won't be long til he'll be talking non-stop!

He's also becoming a little selective on which books he wants to read before bedtime. He pointed waved away a book the other night and kept saying "Book. Book! BOOK!" until I offered one that met his approval. Sandra Boyton, Dr. Suess and a few others are always winners.

Lastly, currently his favorite toys are two puppets and he asks for them before bed...they have to accompany him into the crib. One is a blue bear made by his aunt Trisha and the other is a brown bear brought by his Grandma Crawford. His other favorite toy is a low stool that Libby bought the other week. He carries it around and can now reach almost anything in the house. Time to "re-child-proof" the house!

Birth of Lukas

We are thrilled to announce the birth of Lukas Todd Spotts!

Born Sunday, Aug. 31, 2008 at 2:45pm, at Fernandez Hospital, Hyderabad, India (http://www.fernandezhospital.com/)

Weight: 8 lbs., 4 oz. (3.74 kg)

Length: 20 and ¼ in. (51.5 cm)

We spent a little less than 48 hours at the hospital and now are home. Though tired, Libby is feeling really good. We are really blessed to have Libby’s mom and cousin here to help us with the transition and look forward to the arrival of Libby’s dad in a few days. More coming soon!

Happy Independence Day

Friday marked India's Independence Day. We spent the day as a family running errands, playing and taking a walk. Later that afternoon, Ben and Shane washed the car. What a team!